booze, shoes, and a question for the daddies (scroll down, guys, it's under the shoes)

Booze first: in case you missed it in the comments, Mary P. sent me the link to the Ladies United for the Preservation of Endangered Cocktails (slogan: 'dismantling the patriarchy one drink at a time'). If nothing else, this will make you want to put on a nice dress and some great shoes and break out the vintage barware. And toast the end of infant potty training!

So about those great shoes: remember how I was going on and on about shoes? Blah blah blah pointy toes blah blah blah too expensive blah blah blah my huge ass. Oh, sure. Who could forget?

Well, I think I'm out of my mommy funk, for now at least, and I have solved my shoe dilemmas with not one but TWO only marginally practical pairs. Behold, the apple green Mary Jane!













I just love these. They have a great rubber tread on the bottom, perfect for running to the potty, and those cute little bows on the sides, which have no function whatsoever. AND they are actual SHOES, not mules, so I think I will be able to wear them when it gets cold. (Oh, who are we kidding--I'll still be wearing the mules when it's cold. I'm stupid like that.) And they're GREEN--how fun is that? I think everyone should have some green shoes. Because, you know, they go with everything.

Shoe dilemma #2 was that I needed some 'nice' brown shoes, but I hate brown shoes (no, seriously. I think it's some residual scarring from too many years of Catholic school). So after trying on a thousand pairs of boring brown flats (and that one really beautiful camel flannel pair at 9 West), I went with gold.













See, the flats are gold but the flowers and the beads are brown! So they're like brown shoes, but prettier. And yes, these are round toed flats, and yes, they make my ass look big, but what doesn't these days! And I am assuming that the flowers and beads will distract from the ass. And if not, well, keep it to yourself. I tried, I really did, to find pointy flats, but they just aren't out there for a reasonable price. And really, pointy shoes are just dressy, all the time. And I am just not.

But the absolute BEST part? The total for BOTH pairs of shoes was $34.00 and change. So they basically cost what I would have spent at Starbucks last week, except that I never got to GO to Starbucks, because of potty camp. Ta da! I earned them.

Don't argue with me--just revel in my new shoes. And roll out the cocktail cart!

Finally, a little help from the daddies: the other day, Henry and I were at the park and he wanted to play on the teeter-totter. As he was climbing on, it teetered when he thought it was going to totter and . . . well, you get the picture. So he hopped around holding his boy parts and I tried to distract him, which was the only thing I could think to do, being a girl and all and having no experience with this sort of thing. But WHAT DO I DO when that happens? Ice? Heat? WHAT? Because you KNOW it will happen again. And unless I'm wearing those flowery shoes and sipping a Singapore Sling, it will leave me feeling like a terrible mommy. HELP ME.