how bad a day was it? well, I bought a pair of Bermuda shorts, if that tells you anything
The other day I had a lovely e-mail from Velma, who said something about how it sounded like the boys and I were getting into a nice summer groove. And I nearly fell over laughing because if this is the groove, then I am screwed. Screwed, I tell you!
Yesterday Wade left for work at 6:30 (AM, people!) and reappeared twelve hours later. TWELVE HOURS. The boys spent every single moment of that twelve hours moving--running, jumping, hopping, skipping, poking each other (and me, on the rare occasion that I got careless and wandered too close to them). Honest to god, the only time they sat still all day was the seven minutes it took them toeat inhale the lunch Caroline made them. By 4:45 I was cursing whoever had forgotten to go to the liquor store and wondering if it would be okay to serve cereal for dinner (answer: yes!). By 6:00, the boys were fed and bathed and in their pajamas, and we were all piled in Henry's bed to read. Henry chose Stuart Little as his bedtime story (what the hell was I thinking buying that book? seriously, a woman gives birth to a MOUSE and no one bats an EYE? jesus christ). When Wade finally came in, I said, "OKAY AND AFTER YOU EAT SOMETHING I'M GOING TO LEAVE FOR A WHILE OKAY? OKAY??? OKAY?????"
He said, "Hello! Good to see you! I won't ask how your day was."
Of course, JUST as I got the kids calmed down from the HUGE excitement of seeing Daddy (Charlie announced, "Henry! I thought Daddy would NEVER come home!"), Wade's parents called to see if they could come by and say goodnight to the boys. As soon as the kids heard the door open, they tumbled out of the bed and started hopping around like those little spring-loaded toys with the suction cups (you know, you press the suction cup to the floor and the spring makes it pop into the air at some unpredictable moment). At that point, I gave up.
And, apparently, I cracked. I told you it was coming!
Somehow, I found myself at Old Navy. Trying on BERMUDA SHORTS. Remember when I said that no one past puberty should wear Bermuda shorts? And the Internet was all, WHOA! hold on! don't diss the Bermuda shorts!
And I was all, whatever, thank you for playing. No high waist underwear with low rise pants! Yeah!
Ahem.
This is hard for me to say, but I was wrong. And you all were right (especially Holly, who made fun of the "city shorts" concept, because really THEY'RE SHORTS not dress pants! let's just be clear about that). Bermuda shorts hide a multitude of sins--far more, it turns out, than self tanner (go figure). I bought a nice pair of cargo Bermudas (Old Navy calls them "utility shorts") and I'm thinking that I probably should have bought the basic twill ones in white. Could I wear the lace up espadrilles with those, you think? Or is that just . . . weird?
I came home feeling refreshed and covered and ready for a new day! I was not, however, ready for the new day to start at 4:45 am with a blood-soaked Charlie coming in to announce sleepily, "Mama, I had a nosebleed." If you've not ever had the Spontaneous Nosebleed (caused, most often, by the insertion of a tiny finger into a tiny nose) at your house, let me warn you: your child will look like an extra from a particularly gory episode of CSI (or possibly CSI Miami, depending on where you live). This is NOT how you want to be awakened from a deep sleep and possibly a sexy dream about Chris Noth.
What? WHAT???
So you think, hmm, the day starts with a blood-covered child; how much worse can it get? Well, let's see. The boys got haircuts, which was fine once the haircut lady showed up (late! which made me cranky! because UP AT 4:45!), and then we did some stuff (read: I drank coffee while the children poked each other in another room) and then we went and got Charlie's glasses (crying, lots of crying, because the glasses make everything look weird) and then headed to the dentist (Charlie fell asleep in the car on the way, maybe because he got up at FOUR FORTY FIVE this morning!) where Henry had a complete breakdown when the very lovely hygenist* said that she needed to X ray his teeth (no X rays! because it might feel weird!) and then home, where I parked the kids in front of the TV and said "STAY THERE" and called my friend Cheryl to get her cranberry martini recipe (one jigger cranberry juice, one jigger Absolute Citron, twist of lime--"Delicious," she said, "and healthy! Prevents urinary tract infections").
I did not make a cranberry martini; I opted for a nice Merlot instead. And now I will await the flurry of calls and e-mails from people who know me for real, because OH MY GOD YOU DON'T DRINK RED WINE!
I do when my head is exploding. And when it's all that I have in the house. (It was tasty, and no I don't know what kind it was.)
Look at me, drinking Merlot in my Bermuda shorts! I think the world is ending. Take cover.
*I don't have a clue if that's spelled correctly, nor does my spell checker. Anyone?
Yesterday Wade left for work at 6:30 (AM, people!) and reappeared twelve hours later. TWELVE HOURS. The boys spent every single moment of that twelve hours moving--running, jumping, hopping, skipping, poking each other (and me, on the rare occasion that I got careless and wandered too close to them). Honest to god, the only time they sat still all day was the seven minutes it took them to
He said, "Hello! Good to see you! I won't ask how your day was."
Of course, JUST as I got the kids calmed down from the HUGE excitement of seeing Daddy (Charlie announced, "Henry! I thought Daddy would NEVER come home!"), Wade's parents called to see if they could come by and say goodnight to the boys. As soon as the kids heard the door open, they tumbled out of the bed and started hopping around like those little spring-loaded toys with the suction cups (you know, you press the suction cup to the floor and the spring makes it pop into the air at some unpredictable moment). At that point, I gave up.
And, apparently, I cracked. I told you it was coming!
Somehow, I found myself at Old Navy. Trying on BERMUDA SHORTS. Remember when I said that no one past puberty should wear Bermuda shorts? And the Internet was all, WHOA! hold on! don't diss the Bermuda shorts!
And I was all, whatever, thank you for playing. No high waist underwear with low rise pants! Yeah!
Ahem.
This is hard for me to say, but I was wrong. And you all were right (especially Holly, who made fun of the "city shorts" concept, because really THEY'RE SHORTS not dress pants! let's just be clear about that). Bermuda shorts hide a multitude of sins--far more, it turns out, than self tanner (go figure). I bought a nice pair of cargo Bermudas (Old Navy calls them "utility shorts") and I'm thinking that I probably should have bought the basic twill ones in white. Could I wear the lace up espadrilles with those, you think? Or is that just . . . weird?
I came home feeling refreshed and covered and ready for a new day! I was not, however, ready for the new day to start at 4:45 am with a blood-soaked Charlie coming in to announce sleepily, "Mama, I had a nosebleed." If you've not ever had the Spontaneous Nosebleed (caused, most often, by the insertion of a tiny finger into a tiny nose) at your house, let me warn you: your child will look like an extra from a particularly gory episode of CSI (or possibly CSI Miami, depending on where you live). This is NOT how you want to be awakened from a deep sleep and possibly a sexy dream about Chris Noth.
What? WHAT???
So you think, hmm, the day starts with a blood-covered child; how much worse can it get? Well, let's see. The boys got haircuts, which was fine once the haircut lady showed up (late! which made me cranky! because UP AT 4:45!), and then we did some stuff (read: I drank coffee while the children poked each other in another room) and then we went and got Charlie's glasses (crying, lots of crying, because the glasses make everything look weird) and then headed to the dentist (Charlie fell asleep in the car on the way, maybe because he got up at FOUR FORTY FIVE this morning!) where Henry had a complete breakdown when the very lovely hygenist* said that she needed to X ray his teeth (no X rays! because it might feel weird!) and then home, where I parked the kids in front of the TV and said "STAY THERE" and called my friend Cheryl to get her cranberry martini recipe (one jigger cranberry juice, one jigger Absolute Citron, twist of lime--"Delicious," she said, "and healthy! Prevents urinary tract infections").
I did not make a cranberry martini; I opted for a nice Merlot instead. And now I will await the flurry of calls and e-mails from people who know me for real, because OH MY GOD YOU DON'T DRINK RED WINE!
I do when my head is exploding. And when it's all that I have in the house. (It was tasty, and no I don't know what kind it was.)
Look at me, drinking Merlot in my Bermuda shorts! I think the world is ending. Take cover.
*I don't have a clue if that's spelled correctly, nor does my spell checker. Anyone?
16 Comments:
Ah, Merlot, how I miss thee. Been about 3 years since I've been able to enjoy. You know, breastfeeding, getting pregnant again, breastfeeding. Only 8 months to go. 8 months...HELP!!!
Oh, I think I would of drank the Merlot AND the tasty martini! And yes, I hope your summer groove gets better.
Hygienist, honey. Oh my word. Have another glass of wine. :)
THANK YOU, Mir. Whew. That was driving me berserk.
Which is par for the course today.
Mir is right. I double checked the i before e to make sure.
I live in Bermuda shorts during the summer. I'm a little beyond real shorts, it's too hot for jeans. I can wear khaki bermudas anywhere.
OK, I've been against the bermuda shorts as well, and snort anytime I see someone in them, but since I have so far been impressed with your fashion sense I will be using my last day of both children in school to hit Old Navy. Bermuda cargo shorts? Really?????
And I totally think you could wear them with the shoes. Cause really, what else would you wear with Bermuda shorts :-).
Chichimama, I like your thinking. Plus all those girls in the J Crew catalog are wearing tie-up espadrilles with their Bermuda shorts!
Yeah, I'll probably just wear flip flops. But at least no one will have to see my thighs.
Any way you can mainline the Merlot?
Jeepers, cookie, you make me tired just reading that!
Just think...June is ALMOST OVER. School starts when? August?
You're right - not comforting. Have more Merlot.
I have been secretly coveting Bermuda shorts and now feel that it is safe to indulge my whim since other women "who are not size 00" are buying them. And I completely appreciate the Cranberry martini. How wonderful to have a drink that has so many different uses to it! And I hope you get some more rest - and that the summer gets better for you!
Rock on Bermuda Susuan! But, persoanlly I hate shorts! I've got thosee really frightening, skinny bird legs (thanks mom)that glow translucent white so I guess you know why. Maybe I'll go try the "utility" type.
I'm loving' that post.Hope today things look up.
OH, and I fixed the link to your site from my http://picturethis.clubmom.com where there are 2 perfect examples of how "on the move" your boys really are!
Spell check indeed, I just looked at my comments. Sheesh. Sorry.
I think my day today will be similar to your day...too bad we couldn't meet together somewhere quiet and kid-free for big bottles of wine. To congratulate one another that we have survived. We have triumphed. WE FUCKING RULE.
I feel like one of those springy toy thingys whose head is about to explode after reading that. Good lord, I hope your days get better!
So the Bermuda shorts are good, then? Perhaps I need some. I'll say you prescribed them or something, so I can justify buying them.
LIKE I HAVEN'T BEEN BUYING ENOUGH STUFF LATELY. Especially for an unemployed person! Which reminds me, I bought this brilliant self tanner -- the Clarins one, in a brown tube, a gel. You may have to sell one of Henry's kidneys but it's worth it; you'll turn a lovely golden brown I PROMISE. It's foolproof. If not, buy some more Bermuda shorts.
Well perhaps I'll look for some Bermuda shorts since I tried the gradual self-tanner this year and my arms and legs were COVERED in a RASH for two weeks. SO GROSS!
So do I look pasty and gross this summer or wrinkled and gross in five years? It's a tough call.
I, too, was skeptical about the longish shorts, but I tried them on and DAMN! They are definitely preferable to the short shorts, as I don't have the legs for those. And better on me than a lot of other current trends. So I too am a convert.
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