I may have inhaled some Easy-Off, why do you ask?
Wade called me at lunchtime today and said, "Where should I go for lunch? Since my Quizno's burned down, I'm really short on options."
And I said, "BOO HOO I ate the crusts of Charlie's pb&j." No, I didn't. I said, "WHOA, I'm really glad you called because I have chicken poaching and I forgot all about it until the phone rang!" Because that's how I am when I'm cooking.
Wade called me again this afternoon to see if I wanted anything from thebeer store grocery and said, "What's for dinner?"
"We're having tuna salad."
"I thought we were having chicken salad."
"We were. There was an incident. I don't want to talk about it."
"Was this the same chicken you were cooking when I called before? And you said it was a good thing I called because you forgot about the chicken?"
"Possibly. Probably."
"What happened?"
"There was an INCIDENT. I don't want to talk about it."
(But I will tell you, Internet, that the Incident MAY have consisted of me leaving chicken poaching while I went outside to supervise the boys in the splash pool and read a book. And I MAY have let all the water boil off the chicken. And it MAY have burned to the bottom of the pan. Fortunately, I have Calphalon and the charred bits came RIGHT OFF the nonstick surface! Which is good because at first I thought the pot was a goner and THAT would have been hard to explain. Or at least necessary to explain, which is mostly the same thing. If, indeed, that really IS what happened.)
You know what's sad? Wade and I have conversations like this ALL THE TIME when I cook. Tonight I'm cleaning our oven (right now! as I type! hooray for toxic chemicals that eat the goo RIGHT OFF the inside of the oven while I sit on the sofa and entertain you!) because a while back, I made chicken Parmesan, although by "made" I mean bought at SuperTarget and brought home to put in the oven. I followed the directions and it was delicious EXCEPT for one thing: the directions said to cook the breasts on a cookie sheet, which resulted in a greasy mess all over the bottom of our oven. And some smoke. Okay, LOTS of smoke.
And every time we have turned the oven on since then, there has been lots of smoke. The kids think it's great, but it's starting to freak Wade out. So today I bought some Easy Off and after the kids went to bed I hosed down the inside of the oven.
And now, I may be a LITTLE bit high from the fumes. But the inside of my oven door is TOTALLY clean. I'll let you know about the rest of it. (As an aside, should I be embarassed that we've lived here for SIX YEARS and haven't ever cleaned the oven?)
In other news, Charlie's birthday party is Sunday night, at a local pizza joint. He decided today that instead of a bakery cake, he wanted a chocolate chip cake, which is easy to make but has to be baked in the OVEN (go figure). And I don't think he really wants the Extra Smoky chocolate chip cake. So I'm cleaning the oven, which makes me feel like I am Doing Something to get ready for this party. Because otherwise, I have done nothing.
Things I really need to do to get ready include the cake, the gifts, and some sort of craft / party favor. Not much, right? And before you start giving me a hard time about having a craft at a four-year-old's birthday party (because I know you're rolling your eyes and saying it's a PARTY for heaven's sake don't make those poor kids do a CRAFT) you should keep in mind that there is nothing at this pizza place but the pizza place--no inflatable jumpy castle or ball pit or video games. Just Henry and Charlie and six other kids in a room! With pizza! And maybe beer for the grown-ups! And NOTHING TO DO BUT GO BERSERK.
The kids, not the grown-ups. Although anything is possible.
So I need a good pirate-y craft, suitable for kids ages two to six, that will not make me want to gouge my eyes out with a plastic fork. Think about it and get back to me, okay? I'm going to stand in front of my oven and breathe deeply and see if anything comes to me. Or I may just enjoy the pretty colors and the floaty feeling. Duuude.
And I said, "BOO HOO I ate the crusts of Charlie's pb&j." No, I didn't. I said, "WHOA, I'm really glad you called because I have chicken poaching and I forgot all about it until the phone rang!" Because that's how I am when I'm cooking.
Wade called me again this afternoon to see if I wanted anything from the
"We're having tuna salad."
"I thought we were having chicken salad."
"We were. There was an incident. I don't want to talk about it."
"Was this the same chicken you were cooking when I called before? And you said it was a good thing I called because you forgot about the chicken?"
"Possibly. Probably."
"What happened?"
"There was an INCIDENT. I don't want to talk about it."
(But I will tell you, Internet, that the Incident MAY have consisted of me leaving chicken poaching while I went outside to supervise the boys in the splash pool and read a book. And I MAY have let all the water boil off the chicken. And it MAY have burned to the bottom of the pan. Fortunately, I have Calphalon and the charred bits came RIGHT OFF the nonstick surface! Which is good because at first I thought the pot was a goner and THAT would have been hard to explain. Or at least necessary to explain, which is mostly the same thing. If, indeed, that really IS what happened.)
You know what's sad? Wade and I have conversations like this ALL THE TIME when I cook. Tonight I'm cleaning our oven (right now! as I type! hooray for toxic chemicals that eat the goo RIGHT OFF the inside of the oven while I sit on the sofa and entertain you!) because a while back, I made chicken Parmesan, although by "made" I mean bought at SuperTarget and brought home to put in the oven. I followed the directions and it was delicious EXCEPT for one thing: the directions said to cook the breasts on a cookie sheet, which resulted in a greasy mess all over the bottom of our oven. And some smoke. Okay, LOTS of smoke.
And every time we have turned the oven on since then, there has been lots of smoke. The kids think it's great, but it's starting to freak Wade out. So today I bought some Easy Off and after the kids went to bed I hosed down the inside of the oven.
And now, I may be a LITTLE bit high from the fumes. But the inside of my oven door is TOTALLY clean. I'll let you know about the rest of it. (As an aside, should I be embarassed that we've lived here for SIX YEARS and haven't ever cleaned the oven?)
In other news, Charlie's birthday party is Sunday night, at a local pizza joint. He decided today that instead of a bakery cake, he wanted a chocolate chip cake, which is easy to make but has to be baked in the OVEN (go figure). And I don't think he really wants the Extra Smoky chocolate chip cake. So I'm cleaning the oven, which makes me feel like I am Doing Something to get ready for this party. Because otherwise, I have done nothing.
Things I really need to do to get ready include the cake, the gifts, and some sort of craft / party favor. Not much, right? And before you start giving me a hard time about having a craft at a four-year-old's birthday party (because I know you're rolling your eyes and saying it's a PARTY for heaven's sake don't make those poor kids do a CRAFT) you should keep in mind that there is nothing at this pizza place but the pizza place--no inflatable jumpy castle or ball pit or video games. Just Henry and Charlie and six other kids in a room! With pizza! And maybe beer for the grown-ups! And NOTHING TO DO BUT GO BERSERK.
The kids, not the grown-ups. Although anything is possible.
So I need a good pirate-y craft, suitable for kids ages two to six, that will not make me want to gouge my eyes out with a plastic fork. Think about it and get back to me, okay? I'm going to stand in front of my oven and breathe deeply and see if anything comes to me. Or I may just enjoy the pretty colors and the floaty feeling. Duuude.
26 Comments:
As I was reading this, my daughter came in to tell me my potatoes were about to boil over. Did I want her to turn them down?
Sometimes I'm dumber than a rock but my daughter inherited the gene. She couldn't have just turned them down to begin with?
Have fun with your party. I'm the least crafty person you'll ever meet.
Just remembered. You haven't lived until you've had a Pyrex dish of sweet potatoes blow up in the oven.
Dude. I've lived in my house for almost seven years and I've NEVER cleaned my oven. Once we tried the self-cleaning feature, and it started a fire and scared the crap out of me so I vowed NEVER to do that again.
If you could find 6 shoe boxes, you could spray paint them, and have the kids decorate their own treasure chest with stickers, and/or markers, and write their names on the bottom. Then later when they were busy eating pizza you could put the party favors in the chests, and hide them around the restaurant for them to find. Of course that's only if you could handle a little pandemonium. Better have a couple of beers first.
Wait, wait--Sheryl, did you just tell me to go buy SIX NEW PAIRS OF SHOES?
Because that's what I heard you saying. Did anyone else hear that? And who will tell my husband when he asks about all the shoes that SHERYL SAID TO DO IT?
This party is looking better all the time . . .
Yes! I heard it! Sheryl did say to buy six new pairs of shoes so that Charlie's birthday party will be the best of his short life.
Do it for the boy Susan. Do it for the boy.
P.S. I've never cleaned an oven in my life. What a relief to admit that! I think I may be inspired though by this post. Perhaps. ;)
What? You're supposed to clean ovens? Really?
=P
I really think buying six pairs of shoes is the best thing you could possibly due for Charlie. Really, really!
Seriously though, sounds like a fun idea!
C did a pirate thing at school this year, and the kids decorated treasure chests using tissue boxes (not shoe boxes, sorry...but a cheaper option, just in case Wade has issues with 6 pair of shoes ;-0) and then made treasure maps using feet stamps and some x stamps. Then they cut out patches, the teachers tied them on with strings and they "followed" their maps" (or really the teachers' map to the treasure. Think 14 children stumbling around with patches on, rather amusing.
C still uses his map to "find things around the house. Or, he did until his sister ripped it yesterday...
Hope the party is fun!
Oh, and last time I cleaned the oven the fire department had to come. Really. Apparently you STILL have to clean self cleaning ovens before you turn on the self cleaning feature. I'm still a little confused by it, and so just don't clean the oven any more.
You have immensely cheered me up today. :) My husband is often terrified when I cook, although I haven't actually set fire to anything ever.
I always turn on the oven cleaner and leave the house. I know it says not to, but who wants to be in the house while it's burning down? Not me!
I am so not crafty, but here are a few pirate-y ideas:
*Pick up a bunch of bandanas at the dollar store and tie them around each party guest's head as he/she arrives. (Even the adults if they want to participate. :-) )
*If the other kids' parents won't be freaked out by weapons, and you happen to have a lot of cardboard lying around, cut out cardboard swords and have the kids decorate them. Bring a bunch of rope from the hardware store that you can tie around the kids' waists, and then they can tuck their decorated swords into their rope belts.
*Make and decorate eye patches.
*Decorate treasure chests and then do a hunt for hidden "treasure" (gold chains, coins, etc. from the dollar store).
Hope he has a most wonderful party
Holly, that bandana and rope belt thing is a great idea. Henry and Charlie ususally just stick their swords in the waistband of their shorts, but a rope belt would be SO much better.
And I opened the oven this morning and nearly asphyxiated myself. I'm getting ready to wipe the goo out of it right now. Wish me luck.
Ovens require cleaning? WTF, dude?
What is the deal EXACTLY with self-cleaning ovens that require cleaning? How does that work? I'd like to be a Mom that requires a nanny, a maid, a chauffeur and a chef. Isn't that the same idea?
Also, six pair of shoes would be very good.
And lastly, my idea for the pirate craft is this: give the children REAL RUM. Tell them, "This is what the pirates drank!" and then they'll drink it and pass out, voila, problem solved. Your boys will wake up a few hours later thinking they had a ball.
Crap. I would have been happy to go the rest of my life not acknowledging that my oven is supposed to be clean. After this, now I have conscious thought about it and THAT will result in guilt. Stupid oven.
And not to muddy the waters on the pirate ideas, but my kids just got inflatable pirate swords as happy meal toys, and things have been much more aggressive and violent around here...which is manageable with two in a house, but with six in a pizza place... yikes. (It was a very creative craft idea, though!)
I have never cleaned my oven (heh! I typed "house" in there originally), but my husband did recently, and it is really quite spotless now. He recommended a mask for cleaning it out, though.
Also - pirates!! Could you have a parrot pinata they could break filled with gold coins to put in their treasure boxes? (Which you do need to buy the 6 pairs of shoes. Its for the children, you know.)
Also, SHOES! My SIL found a pair of Prada shoes for $10 and a pair of Gucci shoes for $20 at the thrift store! And then we went to the consignment store yesterday and she bought another pair of Prada shoes for $30! And Coach for $35! And Manolo Blahniks for $60! It was a great sale! And I bought shoes as well!
I think I love shoes now.
I just turned the cleaning on the oven (thanks, I got a lot of cheese in it last weekend).
Have them design and decorate their own eye patches. That would be fun.
Let's see. So far you've got treasure boxes and bandanas, eye patches and swords for crafts, and a treasure hunt for an activity.
Which means pandemonium, of course, unless...
Instead of swords, make daggers that they have to keep clenched between their teeth (because that's what pirates do) when they hunt for their treasure!
Ta-dah! Bone fide, authentic, for-real little pirate gags!
You're welcome.
I lived in my last house for six years and had every intention of clenaing the oven before we moved. I cleaned everything else and then decided that if the new owners wanted a clean oven, they could do it themselves.
I have nothing to offer about the pirate stuff because everyone's ideas are great and I can't think of anything better. Have fun and I think that there should certainly be beer for the adults. You know, just so that people remember what a good hostess you are.
Hey, at least you had a dinner plan. I can't be bothered today...it's way too stinkin' hot out to even think about cooking. I think I might just throw some eggs on the sidewalk and call it a meal.
If you are looking for a time-killer that isn't a craft, you could pick up the "Pop-Up Pirate" game. We have been getting hours of amusement out of it, and it's a perfect way to kill some time. You just take turns sticking the plastic swords in the barrel (with 6 kids I'd just put all the swords in a cup and tell the boys that it doesn't matter what color they use) and eventually the pirate pops up. But, ooooooh! The anticipation! And the hillarity when the pirate pops up! And the quick reset time so they can just play again and again and again!
But 6 new pairs of shoes is also good...
I have perfected a way of keeping my oven clean: Don't use it. Voila! Clean oven, all the time. No fuss, no muss, no heady fumes to asphyxiate you (although you also don't get the pretty colours and contact high).
Six years and you haven't cleaned your oven? That's nothing. I don't think I've ever cleaned an oven. EVER, as in, I've moved 4 times in the last 6 years and not one, yup, NOT ONE of the ovens I owned was cleaned. Okay so it's the same time frame but I'm talking quantity here. As for a pirate craft, I got nothing. Sorry.
I have to add that my 4 year old came home from daycare recently saying "Yo ho ho and a bottle of milk." MILK!!
If you are lucky enough to know someone with a polaroid, here's something I did at a 4-yr-old's party. I took a picture of each kid standing next to the bday boy. Then I let them decorate cardboard frames with all kinds of stuff, like fur balls, plastic things, etc. I bought it all at Hobby Lobby, so it was very cheap. Polaroids are hard to come by these days...
Hmm, your description of the cooking incident reminds me of why my husband does all the cooking now -- because that's so the kind of thing that happens to me. Not sure I've cleaned our oven yet, though -- it's self-cleaning and whenever I go to do it, it heats up to like 1,000 degrees and smells horrible. Better a dirty oven than an afternoon of inconvenience!
I'm totally going to sniff some easy off because this is an awesome post and maybe the toxic muse will rub off on me.
Crafts?
Dude, next time pick a pizza place with video games. It is so worth the twenty bucks in quarters.
But your craft sounds great, and it's so hot here, there is a HEAT ADVISORY, so we HAVE to stay in the air conditioning.
LOL at Mary P.!
Post a Comment
Links to this post:
Create a Link
<< Home